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Bartenders Tell All

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By Rebecca Philps published Dec 1, 2009

Danielle Tatarin, db Bistro Moderne and Lumiere Angela Fama

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What’s the best or worst way for a patron to get your attention?

"Best way to get my attention? Order a Sazerac." —Danielle Tatarin, db Bistro Moderne and Lumiere

“Waving your hand in the air like a kid who needs to go to the bathroom is not good. Service is like driving: eye contact is all it takes.”—Keith Trusler, Blue Water Cafe

“The composed customer who patiently waits at the bar and then politely orders a double Maker’s on the rocks. You had me at ‘Hello.’ ”—Wendy McGuiness, Chambar

“Smile, look prepared, and have your money ready. Don’t keep us waiting. Do not snap your fingers, whistle, or yell ‘Hey!’ ”—Marc Mital, The Roxy

“They travel only with other men. They never sit. They don’t make eye contact. They order expensive double vodkas by brand, even though they’re chewing gum the whole time. They might call you ‘Boss’ or ‘Chief’ or ‘Buddy.’ They snack on ‘appies.’ They suck. They are the douche bags.”— Josh Pape, The Diamond

Is there a drink that’ll get a customer laughed at if they order it?

“Anything blue—Blue Hawaii, etc.—gets a giggle. If you’re not on a beach, you should leave those drinks alone.”
—Trevor Kallies, Granville Room

“A Cosmopolitan” — Giovanni Giardino, Campagnolo

“Smirnoff Ice. Ciders. Coolers. Bacardi Breeze. Blue Hawaiian. Sex on the Beach. Midori on the rocks—no wait, ‘Disaronno on the rocks.’”—Ryan Steele, 1181

What’s the best (or worst) pickup move you’ve ever seen?

“Buying a nice bottle of wine at last call, putting the cork back in, and writing the address on the label where we could share it.”—Steve Da Cruz, The Corner Suite Bistro De Luxe

“From what I’ve seen, simple and straightforward works best. You can’t beat, ‘Hello, my name is so-and-so.’ Worst pickup strategy: start talking about yourself.” —David Wolowidnyk, West

“Many pro hockey players frequent our bar. Many women come hoping to meet a hockey player. The players are always wearing suits, drinking Coors Light, and holding fistfuls of U.S. cash. A couple of guys came  in dressed the same, played the role, and convinced several ladies they played for the ‘away’ team.”—Marc Mital, The Roxy

“ ‘I’m 38, I’m unemployed, and I live with my mother. Wanna get outta here?’ ”— Colin Turner, CinCin

Who’s the best/worst sort of customer?

“The best customer is patient and tips well, period.” —Marc Mital, The Roxy

“Best customer: well educated, well read, and slightly drunk. Worst customer: musclehead in an Ed Hardy T-shirt who thinks he can intimidate me.” —Colin Turner, CinCin

“Best: someone who comes in to discover something, someone who comes in with an open mind (and liver). Let me take care of you. I love making the drink that’s right for you. Turning a cynic into a believer.”—Jay Jones, The Pourhouse

“The worst is the guy who brings his own booze. Or men who have call girls delivered. And the ones who forget their PIN number.”—Steve Da Cruz, The Corner Suite Bistro De Luxe

“Worst: you know who you are. Pushing your way up to the bar. Snapping your fingers to get my attention—which, by the way, never works—then ordering a double Patrón on the rocks with a side of Sprite and not one but two limes.”
—Wendy McGuiness, Chambar

“I tend to favour polite, generous piss-tanks. On the other side of the scale, I can’t stand desperate loser guys who insist on using the barman as a middle man to buy drinks for girls across the room who are clearly wayout of their league. I used to tolerate it, but these days I just say no and make them feel as uncomfortable as I can. If I was cooler I’d say, ‘Save your money on the drinks. They’re not interested: you’re too fucking ugly.’” —Nick Devine, Cascade and Habit

Have you been given anything other than money as a tip?

“Phone numbers, sex-shop tokens, gift certificates. A coupon for A&W—does that count?” —Trevor  Kallies, Granville Room

“A diamond ring. (It ended up being a cubic zirconia. Very disappointing.”) —Sherry Diggle, Opus Bar

“Panties. Sounds cool, but trust me, it wasn’t. I threw out the tip jar, including the money in it.” —Marc Mital, The Roxy

“A love poem, in perfect iambic tetrameter.” —Karen Robertson, Bacchus Lounge

“A shopping spree at Holt Renfrew—that was a little surreal.” —Jamie Weed, Cactus Club

“Pennies don’t really count as money.” —Tannis Ling, Bao Bei

“Handjob. Again, if I was cooler, this might actually be true.” —Nick Devine, Cascade and Habit

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Filed Under

1181, Bacchus Lounge, Blue Water Cafe, Cactus Club Cafe, Campagnolo, Cascade, Chambar, CinCin, db Bistro Moderne, Drinking Guide 2009, Granville Room, Habit, Lumiere, Opus Bar, The Corner Suite Bistro De Luxe, The Diamond, The Pourhouse, The Roxy, West