Just FYI, You Can Order a Vibrator for 15-Minute Delivery on Tiggy

If it’s ten years from now and you’re some potential employer or love interest of Alyssa’s, please note that this was not written by her, you’ve got the wrong gal, you can just close this window on your Metaverse goggles or whatever they’re using in 2032.

Ok, now that we’re in a safe space:

You’ve probably already heard about Tiggy. The “ultrafast grocery delivery app” is going strong in Kitsilano and North Van, with service expanding to Burnaby coming later this month. Using six micro-fulfilment centres across Metro Vancouver, they’re able to get orders to customers in fifteen minutes (with no delivery fee, which is a bit of a miracle).

The Tiggy delivery zones in Kits and North Van.

And speaking of micro-fulfilment…

In my social circle, Tiggy is best known for COVID-19 rapid test delivery—being able to get a test in just a few minutes without having to leave your house and potentially infect someone is awesome—that is, until someone discovered you can buy vibrators on the app.

Just saying, it wasn’t me.

That said, sexual health is important, women’s sexual health is especially neglected in our androcentric world, and I’m all for destigmatizing pleasure. Get yours!

Still, for the record, it wasn’t me.

Along with your classic grocery items—bread, eggs, fruits and veggies, toothpaste, toilet paper, cleaning products—Tiggy offers five different kinds of vibrators, all from Smile Makers. There’s the Billionaire Versatile vibrator, the Tennis Pro G Spot Vibrator, the Firefighter Clit vibrator (yikes??), the Surfer Bullet vibrator and the French Lover Tongue vibrator. They range from $45 to $75.

This means you could, in some kind of sexual emergency, order five unique vibrators to your door in 15 minutes. As long as you live in Kits or North Van (or Burnaby, soon). A win for those of us with vulvas—and perhaps a pretty big win for those of us who are dating people with vulvas. Hey babe, have you…? No? Aw man, sorry…no, don’t get up! Just wait right there! I need 15 minutes. Wink.

Also on offer for 15-minute delivery is a The Office colouring book. Not necessarily to be used in conjunction with the vibrators, just thought it was worth mentioning.

In all seriousness, what Tiggy offers is awesome—for the COVID-conscious, the time-lacking, and those who find they generate too much waste by bulk-buying (quick delivery encourages folks to buy only what they need). It’s cool that they’re carrying the essentials for every area of life. Good vibes only.