'Tis the season for holiday gift guides, all proclaiming they have the answer to an age-old question: What do I buy for the men in my life? Each insist the answer lies in niche electronics, boring ties and unironic barbecue aprons. We can't blame you for falling victim to this trap. What exactly do you buy for someone who hasn't been inundated all their lives with the toxic cultural perception that certain material assets are required to achieve personhood? In other words, what do you get for someone who has it all, social hierarchy-wise?
Look no further. Here is the only gift guide you'll need for the men in your life. And if the intro to this listicle is already getting your blood boiling, maybe treat yourself to something from our other gift guide.
Full Frontal Down There Hygiene Kit from Stripped Wax Bar.
1. A Manzilian Wax
As they say at the gym (I assume): no pain, no gain. Stripped Wax Bar has services for all bodies, which means the guy in your life can finally enjoy all the pleasures of a Brazilian wax—called a manzilian, because even ripping hair out at the follicle is gendered in our wild wild world. The stigma that exists around dudes waxing really isn't fair. He's suffered down-there discrimination long enough. Get him a gift card and, if you're feeling extra generous, some after-care products. He might smooth talk the talk; see if he can smooth walk the walk.
Flightfud In-Flight Elixir from Flightfud.
2. Flightfud In-Flight Elixir
This superfood drink mix was co-founded by Kaeli Bauman, a former Canadian flight attendant. Flightfud is meant to lessen the negative health effects of flying (like dehydration, impaired circulation and bloating) with ingredients like coconut water crystals, camu camu powder and goji berry powder. Your guy will be so excited to try it, he'll book a long flight to somewhere else.
Luna 3 Facial Cleanser from Foreo.
3. A Luna 3 Facial Cleanser
Healthy skin is no joke, but most men (heavy on the most—I see you, facemask fellas) seem to think a bar of soap and their weirdly large hands are the only skincare products they need. The Luna 3 Facial Cleanser from Foreo is a super effective tool, and here is some language that might convince your guy to use it: It obliterates dirt. It annihilates oil. It decimates all the pore-blocking baddies. Also, it's blue. If that doesn't convince him, you should probably just keep it for yourself.
Abeego Variety Wraps from Abeego.
4. Abeego Beeswax Wraps
If your guy is bad at saving that dollar per $0.87 you make (or he thinks that Greta gal might have a point) get him a pack of Abeego beeswax wraps. These plastic-wrap replacements make food (and money) last longer, and the Abeego facility itself is zero-waste. It's the perfect answer to niche high-tech specialty items: an everyday low-tech useful item. If he cooks, he'll love them. If he doesn't cook, he should learn.
Micro Squeeze Filter from Sawyer.
5. A Micro Squeeze Water Filter
Speaking of Greta, when the climate crisis does eventually and rightly destroy us, who knows where your man could end up or what human-caused natural disasters could limit his access to modern healthcare and technology. The Micro Squeeze compact water filter from Sawyer removes 99.999% of bacteria found in fresh water, and can be cleaned and used over and over again. It will be an invaluable tool as he walks the barren, boiling wasteland previously known as Earth. It's also good for camping.
All-Weather Denim Jeans from Duer.
6. All-Weather Denim Jeans
In all seriousness, these waterproof, windproof jeans are super practical, and your guy really could use more than that one pair of jeans that has a worn-out rectangle in the pocket he keeps his phone in. Duer's all-weather denim jeans are a stylish solution to #Raincouver, and will make your guy look good in your Instagram photos without outshining the main event (you, obviously). All Duer jeans are designed with a gusset—a bit of extra fabric in the crotch area—making them a perfect post-manzilian pant.