7 Gifts that Say, “Calm the Hell Down”

Give the gift of some goddamn relaxation.

No matter how well-intentioned the sentiment may be, telling someone to calm the hell down is generally frowned upon. Lucky for you, the holiday season is the perfect time to communicate with material things rather than words. (If you don’t buy into holiday consumerism, just skip to #7. We get it, you’re better than us.) Here are our top self-care picks for that stressed-out special someone.

1. Aroma Edge Glacier Edition ultrasonic diffuser

There’s no refusin’ this diffusin’. The geometric design of this ceramic diffuser is almost as calming as its aromatherapeutic potential. Toss in the Good Cheer diffuser blend collection (which includes five festive scents like Deep Forest and Peppermint Twist) and your holiday honey will forget all about how you forgot to buy scotch tape even though you promised. $92, saje.com

2. Once Upon A Time naked body lotion

The recipient of this gift will have no worries moisture-wise or environment-wise (okay, maybe not the latter; please still worry about the environment) with this naked body lotion. This plastic-less product is made with murumuru and shea butter and melts at body temperature. It smells like green apples, lemon and lime—an uplifting fragrance to combat mall parking lot rage. $11, lush.com

3. Tobacco and Patchouli urban candle

Scientists have found that just saying “patchouli” is relaxing. Scientists have also found that if you say it three times into a mirror, Gwyneth Paltrow appears and covers your forehead with a cool towel. Scientists say a lot of things. From $14, paddywax.com

4. Ten to Zen by Owen O’Kane

Give the gift of mindfulness with Ten to Zen, in which clinical therapist Owen O’Kane presents a 10-minute practice to promote wellbeing. It wraps better than a meditation app, plus it’s a subtle way to make your coffee table say, “This individual is calm AF.” $22, chapters.indigo.ca

5. Patsy Blue Silk family robe

No more stress over sizing: this silky-soft robe made in Vancouver is one size fits all. A couple extra buttons make rolling up the sleeves no problem, so applying a face mask or painting a tranquil winter watercolour of a bunny and squirrel’s unlikely friendship will be a breeze. $245, kindasleepwear.com

6. Traveler tumbler

No fear, hydration is here. This tumbler is double-walled and vacuum-insulated, and it has a removable infuser for easy teatime. It’s available in nine colours, but we think this minty shade is about as calming as calm can be. Colour the receiver of this gift a happy, hydrated human (until, of course, they lose it). $33, wellybottle.com

7. A Furry Hiking Buddy

Last but most certainly not least, what better way to calm the hell down then taking a stroll through the woods with a faithful four-legged companion? Fur Bae Rescue lets you take a foster dog for a walk in exchange for a one-time membership fee and a pinky promise that you will not lose said dog. Give your high-strung loved one the gift that keeps on growling (we’re kidding, the dogs are friendly, but alliteration beckoned). $50, furbaerescue.dog