I’m Pretty Mad No One Told Me I Could Buy Fox-Shaped Pasta

Wow, hilarious prank, you guys. Really funny. Just absolute class acts, each and every one of you. I bet you’re having a real laugh right now at the fact that you all kept it a big secret from me that there’s cute fox-shaped pasta from Caffe e Alimentari.

I think I speak on behalf of every ’80s kid who had their first crush on the George-Clooney-esque rascal that is the animated Robin Hood: this is the pasta I have needed and wanted my whole life, and I wish you all would have been up front with me when it finally came into existence. 

The shape—”volpeghetti”—is obviously a nod to the cheeky mascot of Savio Volpe, one of the kitchens fuelling the new Caffe e Alimentari Italian grocery delivery service (Pepino’s and Caffe La Tana round out the dream team, all part of the Savio Volpe Restaurant Group.) For the more sophisticated diner who doesn’t need their food to look like animals, yes, you’ll find staples like housemade vodka rose sauce, fancy imported tinned anchovies and tubes of “mucho authentico” tomato paste, but let’s be clear about what the news story is here: there are noodles shaped like foxes and it is the only source of joy in these dark times and you hid this fact from me and now I need to go drown my anger in carbs. No, I will not be sharing.

Fresh volpeghetti, $7.50