Where Do Silverfish Come From?

Silverfish don’t bite or sting or drink your beer without asking, so they aren’t the worst roommates to have. But there’s something unsettling—nay, suspicious!—about the way they scurry under the baseboards whenever you turn on the bathroom light. What were they up to?

Much like your struggling monstera plant, these shimmering, slithering bugs have tropical origins and are a staple of the Vancouver home. But unlike that sad, cold plant, they were never explicitly invited into your living quarters. These sneaky squatters travel on books, old clothes or cardboard boxes. Maybe you thought you were expanding your mind by bringing home the novelization of Honey I Shrunk the Kids from the library, but really you were insect trafficking. I don’t want to victim blame, but that’s what you get for reading books instead of the latest issue of Vancouver magazine, a publication I am proud to say is never full of yucky bugs. (Note to self—idea for new tagline?)

The Government of Canada website has a whole page dedicated to silverfish, which I guess they’ve been working hard on and that’s why they’ve been ignoring my calls asking if I can just skip my taxes this year, please. “Silverfish are harmless to humans, but are considered pests because of their appearance,” it says. This is disappointing to read, because I really thought the #bodypositivity movement was making an impact on society. And yet here we are, judging an innocent little insect on its horrible, revolting looks and its gross abundance of legs. Shame on all of us. Get these silverfish in a Dove ad already.

I think there’s a lot about these li’l rascals we can admire. For example, the no-nonsense way that silverfish just disintegrate into dust when you squish one. Efficient! Effective! The sort of skill you would endorse on LinkedIn given the chance! These scavengers are big into simple carbs and delicious paper and paste, but can live without food for up to a year—another characteristic I find impressive, given that I personally needed to take six snack breaks over the course of writing this story alone.

Silverfish are nocturnal and love humidity. They survive in Canada by seeking out dark, moist environments, which is why you’ll find them living outdoors under rocks or tree bark, or indoors in bathrooms, basements, kitchens and attics. (We need to tell these guys about saunas.) But as hardy and adventurous as they are, silverfish can’t climb smooth surfaces. If you’ve ever found them scuttling around your tub or sink it’s because they went to hang around the drain and then couldn’t get up again, like the time our assistant editor Kerri Donaldson got trapped in a water slide that she’s asked me to please stop talking about.

So while the official, government-sanctioned advice for getting rid of silverfish is, to paraphrase, “vacuum more [you friggin’ slob],” or to ventilate and keep countertops clean, those aren’t necessarily the only solutions. You could also cover every surface of your home with fibreglass for a smooth, ungrippable finish. That sounds like a lot of work, though… so maybe just stop your filthy book-reading habit instead? Or better yet: get your silverfish roomies to start chipping in on rent.